Bigger Things

I have been pondering this blog for the last two weeks. Pondering how transparent to be.

Alot has been going on in our life in the last couple weeks. we have been faced with things that really weaken me. Sometimes I am not sure I can keep pushing through. I want to happily say I am full of faith in this time and know God has BIGGER Things but that would be a lie. Its easy for me to have knowledge of something in my head and not fully grasp it in my heart. Its my weakness. (Truth hurts) I think God would rather me be honest with my sitautions instead of pretend I am upper spiritual and can handle all the giants that come my way. (There seems to be alot these days) To be completely honesty most the time I want to pull my trucker mouth out and scream and shout really obscene things, but it doesn't help. Tryed, Tested and failed. But I still think lieing to my self and God doesn't do any good either.

This is a hard blog and a bare bones matter of fact one too! If it offends you leave know. In love of course.

I ask God alot of questions alot of hard questions. Maybe some christians think the questions I ask are not one's you ask God. I am a believer in hard real honest questions, honest life struggle. I am not sure we are ever suppose to reach the mountian top. Iam pretty sure its a continual climb Up and down up and down. It's where God keeps me humble.
Through this last few weeks and I know other times in my life I feel like I am in a storm a bad one. Often when in a storm I feel the Lord asking me if i can stand through this storm. Sometimes I think, ahh NO Lord how much do you think I can handle and other times I stand firmly and walk through without getting to wet. This time I am socked!!! Completely trenched and not sure I can continue to stand.

So after all that reading your wondering, "Lindsay Spill it"

ahhhh deep sigh! Long pause..................

And might not seem like a big deal for you,

This last two weeks rich lost his job. He works so hard and puts so much time into his Job. This came as such a blow! He lost it for some really injust reason that is being pursued right know. But still he lost his job. For us thats a big deal, without savings and credit cards it makes this a very difficult time. He walked in the door Friday morning with his head down and defeat in his eyes! I weaped! What a great man I have! He looked at me and said Lindz I have peace and know God has something bigger. I wasnt so convinced, actually I was pissed off at everything. God WHY!!!! Not only did rich loose his job we were dealing with two sick kids, who both were in emerg at two seperate times. YUCK!!! Agian really, how much can I handle. Hanging by a thread here.

Zach was born very sick He needed to be ventelated (Life support) in his first two days of life. Great thing is he got better fast and we brought him home and he is healthy and huge!! (GRIN) I love his fat. Zach has a weez that the doctors cant figure out. He's ok he just needs ventilin every once and a while

Annika such a sweet and busy toddler. Has severe febreal seizures. She has had two in her first year of life and was on the brink of her third this week but we caught it in time.

thats a whole lot of stuff and I dont say it for pitty. It helps when people can relate and know that others are walking through some hard times as well. This is a hard time but i have hope that we will come out with our heads held high with life lessons under our belt.

In the Process I will continue to ask questions. God knows right?? Right?

If we never walk through difficult times in our faith and in our life we never grow in our faith. I think anyways. Faith isnt always easy , life isnt always easy. Life hits us with hard things I am realizing.

Sigh

And maybe cheers
Cheers to hard times and alot of coffee and tissue. But mostly Cofee

Lindz